so most people know we're starting a band with this kid matt from dreamstreet and that we were already on these psycho fans websites. here is an email that matt got from the head of one of the fan sites:

"i'll take the not repsonding to my other email as a no...Ok whatever hows The Juice? Who came up with that name? It's cool. Did you know you guys already have a street team and you've only been a band for...what, two weeks? I find that amusing. The girls don't even know what kind of music you play or the songs or anything, but already they're your biggest fans. I'm in a band too. We're called Sanity. I sing and write most of the songs and my friends play the music and sing back up. Alright then, yo tengo salir. Adios."

and by the way, a street team, i found out is a group of people that just promote the band and make fliers and shit. hahah- is this not too good, considering we have only practiced maybe once?

-famous coach and broachers

i feel like the people who write and/or draw shit in bathroom stalls should not be looked upon as vandals, but as entertainers. keep up the good work guys, i look forward to some new poem about my poop and/or weiner.

-broach

i just realized that i never actually finished describing the BC game to all our fans out there...well everyone saw the game and knew what happened but you all missed out on a wide world of shit-talking idiots from boston who got their respective asses handed to them...all in all everyone was real gay, but messing around with sebastian and the cheerleaders was funny as hell. i mean being able to heckle the shit out of tyler ingold from about 8 feet away was, all in all, one of the more entertaining aspects of the game, along with a touchdown by a certain star defensive back.

edit: -so tired i forgot to sign my post

so im finishing up my first paper at 6 am. lax practice starts at 7. how ironic then, that the night that i'm up til 6 will actually be the very first time im actually go to morning practice...i just hope i don't suck after 5 months of rigorous off season training in my other favorite sport: eating.

-coachy mccoach

so, yeah. im gonna say today was up there for one of the worst in a long while. ahhhh where to begin. so i already knew that i had to study a crazy amount for my chem test tmw- what i didnt know was that i also have a spanish test tmw that includes handing in a months worth of work from the workbook. frown. after that, i start studying chem and realize i know next to nothing. sucks. i also remembered 30 minutes before my chem lab that i HADNT DONE IT. so after barely finishing that it time, i get to the lab on time but only to realize i had left the lab report i had just done, in my dorm. so i had to, of course, run to the opposite side of campus( up hill) to go get it. OK. so it was 830 and i figured god had fucked with me enough. haha- of course he wasnt finished. so i head to the food place to get a nice little sub. most know that i am a former sandwich artist, so i know the quality of a sandwich when its made. So of course there out of the meat that i want, but thats no problem- as soon as she made it and did the folding i knew there was gonna be trouble. My walk back to my dorm i was just wondering how bad this sub would be. On opening the sandwich wrapper , ill be honest, i didnt think it could have been THIS bad. I swear to god that i just unwrapped the sandwich and it looked like this, with no manipulation. the nights not over but hopefully my AWESOME luck is.

-a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day-having broach

could the person who smashed my girlfriends window and stole her purse please return it and giver her $250 as soon as you can. thanx. :)

-broach

u know, whenever u get a chance...

-coach

so for all those who haven't yet heard, there's a rumor around here that our dorm building was formerly an insane asylum that was bought by the school during an expansion period. that's one of the most frightening things i've ever heard. there's this big counter in the lobby that has no function anymore but could very easliy have served as a reception desk in the past, not to mention the fact that in order to get into the hallways where the rooms are, u need an electronic key. some one way mirrors in the hallway also add a degree of unexplainable spookiness, but the kicker is definitely the intercoms in every room that "don't work anymore." how would you like trying to fall asleep while you think about that girl from the ring standing in your room for hours and hours...just standing! and if the sixth sense has taught me anything, it's that my fort offers no protection whatsoever. not even my superman poster can save me now.

-coach

warning: if schmeezy does not email the lady in charge of breaking up our triple I WILL BE THE ONE TO MOVE OUT!! =O this simply cannot happen.
loyal coachandbroachers, unite, and put a stop to this madness!

-coach!

so schmizzle officially did not come home last night...am i supposed to be worried? perhaps he is finally starting to fully understand the awkwardness between us and him and has decided that this weekend will be too weird if its 1 on 1.

-a somewhat lonseome coach

well, flow left for miami today...so that leaves just me and schmizzle for the weekend...interesting...we'll see how that turns out...for now, i believe i'll take a nap in my fort, goodlate

-coach

i dont care how convenient those nalgene water bottles are- if you have one, you're a douche.

-broach

we have to stop starting movies everynight at midnight or later...it could be the factor that is solely responsible for my rapid decline in morning-class-attendance

-a sleepy-eyed coach

im thoroughly intrigued by the concept of the anal bead, and actually quite curious...if anyone knows please send all emails to coachandbroach@yahoo.com
thanks 8 bunches

-id rather not say which

i'd like to thank the good people over at the bookstore for finally getting more child development books less than one week before the first test, giving me plenty of time to read chapters 1 through 6.

fuck u guys

-mad as a mad coach

HALL SNACKS ARE UNTASTIC. THEY DO WONDERS FOR THE BAD **** BLUES.

-lated aS GUYS: c&B

how fuckin good is that video- under "praise be to smitty" - if u havent seen it watch it NOWWW. the coach and broach crew has watched it easily 17 times. lalalalalate

-C&B

hey ladyyyyyyy...i come home in 10 seconds...

-the guy jones guy

if the link doesn't work, try right clicking and hitting save as...

praise be to smitty
be sure u can hear the dialogue

-coachandbroach

almost forgot to put up some pixs and describe the gamenight...let me start off by saying that leo suarez's uncle carlos is one of the best guys ever...hes incredible and i only wish that i had a picture of him wearing the canes bird foam head, because its unbelievable...there are, however, some pretty cool pictures, and messing around with sebastian was pretty cool...although sean did have a td in our corner, there was not time for a photo opp., due to the fact that i was busy going apeshit.

ok so, first we wandered around looking for tickets/booze/talking shit with stupid ass bc eagle fans...so after we get tickets at about $22 each, we end up in some ncaa play like the players kinda shit and decide to kick some field goals...leo kicked one and no one was quite sure as to the wearabouts. then fat intentionally kicked one out of the mini-arena and into the car of a tailgater somewheres...

so we wind up chilling with these tailgaters that are crazy nice and generous, after having to hear a lot of dumbass shit from bc fans...anyway...we notice about 5 guys wearing birdsuits that are simply amazing...they leave and eventually its just one guy...one guy trying to run game...trying to mack it in his bird suit. we made our way into the stadium.

i'm sorry but its 530 and i gotta sleep...i'll describe the rest of the game tomorrow

-coach

Auto response from Bassboss4 (4:48:11 AM): its always good when ur band is better the ur football team.
SEAN HAS TD.
OUT CALL CELL

word, word, and word. man.

-acoacha and abroacha

if u don't like our fire, then don't come around
cuz coach and broach gonna burn one dahhowhoowwwn
cuz we're gonna burn one....doooowwwwwnn...

-coachandbroach

playboys are to be stolen by 12 year olds, not bought by 18 year olds.

-coach

big weekend to welcome all the bros from around the globe (US). CANES vs bc- we gon shit on em.

-broach

9:15 pm. and the ones begin to come...and go.

-coach and broach

so my computer screen is getting continually worse- the cracks are getting bigger and longer, and eventually will envelop all that is my beloved screen.

- a sad and soon computerscreenless broach

attention: the underwear advisory warning has been raised to orange...this means that i haven't done laundry in quite a while and am now functioning on little to no underwear in the cool bostonian nights.

-coach

behold, friends...our prayers have been answered..

-coach mikey

sorry for the delay, but here's the picture of flow's screen for all interested...
one word: late

-coach

question on the day:
would you rather drink milk straight from the teat of a goat (and i mean sucking that teat off real good) or insert a pinky into the anus of that same goat?

now thats a thinker

-c & b

i went to the health services today, pretending my stomach hurt, but really just stole about 20 condoms. thankyou for the free handouts.

-broach

so today was the day, first day of lacrosse practice: 6:20 wake up- hit the fields by 6:45. despite falling asleep at 3:30 i still get out of bed at 6:20, got dressed, packed my bag, ate my cereal bar, and headed out the door. I step outside and its raining pretty hard- s oi say fuck it and go back to sleep. maybe thursday we'll give it another shot.

-broach

ämp fans, have no fear...although the band has geographically dispersed, we at tufts have been talking with former dreamstreet member matt ballinger about working on a new project...

the following news update comes from the dreamstreet fan site www.downondreamstreet.com (click on latest news)

while matty b is anxious to rekindle his musical career, ämps involved in the project intend to add a somewhat more badass edge to the group in order to differentiate it from the pop icon's former genre.

-coach and broach

its that time again- question of the day:

(in no way are the coachandbroach co. attempting to take credit for this question- just posting it)
if you were a hot dog, and you were starving, would you eat yourself?

-c & b

white male seeks friendly asian to fix computer.
interesting trades considered.

-coach

for anyone who enjoys a good beef jerky, im gonna have to say "oh boy oberto" teriyaki is the way to go. just a thought.

-broach

this is to the person(s) who informed my parents about my website- which of course now they frequent cuz of you, SUCK MY FUCKING DICK. ARE U A FUCKING IDIOT? I WILL SHIT DOWN YOUR THROAT AND MAKE YOU TOSS MY SALAD AT THE SAME TIME. good day.

-a very mad broach

so i woke up yesterday morning and turned on my computer. something was different, i just couldnt tell what it was. After several moments of deep thought and concentration, it dawned on me. The 12 cracks across the screen werent FUCKING there before. the computer still works but i cant use it for more than ten minutes without getting dizzy. if anyone knows how my screen cracked id be obliged to know. fuck. fuck. fuck. cock. balls.

-broach

were gonna try and do this every day: were gonna ask "the question of the day," and u send us your answer.
question of the day: if u were in a hot tub full of vomit up to ur shoulders and someone was gonna pour steaming diharrea on ur head, would you duck ur head into the vomit?
we'll post the best e-mail response we get.

-C&B

we are now officially "The Juice". were planning on going platinum in a couple months so buy the cd.

-coach and broach

i think the barber didnt like me. (tear).

-broach

are you sure i didn't dream that?

edit: im sure i did...but it could have been both...i love you =p

-coach

super soakers were even great if you were a girl...i remember the good ol' days when a bunch of us would run around in white t-shirts, shooting each other until our shirts were completely soaked, and boy it was super.

-ladycoach

"being half-naked means having one nut showing," some fucking guy.

-coachandbroach

almost too good.

-coach

how good were super soakers?

-broach

for those uninformed people, mike is coach and i (mr. leon) am broach.

-broach

so we pretty much cashed the whole 30 pack last night. apparently we were shittier than i realized. all i remember is our roommate shmizzle playing the flute. right now i cant tell if im hung over or still drunk but either way im a happy camper when all is said and done.

-broach

its 345 and i get to go see my lady approximately 12 hours from now...get pumped up
=p

-coach

can anyone guess the first thing i did with my atm pin number once i received it in the mail? if you said, "lost it," you are correct.

-coach

so were still thinking of a new name for our new band- so far we have a few ideas we wanna throw out there; let us know what you think: the balls, ämp street, the lazy nutsacks, vision,definition of, and incubus. my favorite is obviously the lazy nutsacks, but your input counts. you can email us at coachandbroach@yahoo.com THANKYOUOUOUOUOUOU

-coach and broach

i had my first chem lab tonight. my lab instructor, Hen Chon, was, we'll say, sub-par in the speaking of the language we like to call english. in fact, one might assume he arrived in this country within the last three hours. Of all the entertainment i got out of mr. chon, id like to share my favorite. when i entered the lab he asked me "where yoh googels?" i tried not to laugh in his face when i realized he meant goggles. googles is now the word of the day.

-broach

just thought everyone should know that we got a new band in the making- thats all we'll say for now. in no way does this mean that the ämps' days are over. nevertheless, we are now accepting suggestions for a band name. late.

-coach and broach

to those who need a poem about horses:

gallop, cantor, oh so magnificent
manes flicker in the wind
as my soul is drowned out by the clippity clop
of love
hay, like wine, flows through my veins
as the cherry blossoms bloom.
as the cherry blossoms bloom.
the end

i hope that helps out anyone who needed a poem about horses.

-broach

ANYONE WHO GETS OFFENDED BY THE WORD"PUSSY", OR OTHER TERMS OF THAT NATURE, SHOULD NOT BE READING THIS MOTHER-FUCKIN SITE. CUZ MOST LIKELY YOU'RE THE ONE WHO IS THE PUSSY.
thankyou.

-coach and broach

everyone knows there's no girls like miami girls. this goes without saying...however, until now we have been unable to explain the situation more precisely than that...here goes...
recent bostonian research has shown empirical evidence in that the pussy depreciation effect or "PDE" is due to a downshift in the magnitude and rangitude of the standard miamian richter scale, from a scope of 0 to an asymptotical 100, to a scope of a hideous -15 to a mere 85. were not gonna lie people, besides the occasional diamonds in the rough (of which maybe 2 have been spotted), the girls here are a little better than hairy-scary caliber. ok, wont go that far, but they're anus-caliber for sure.

we love our ladies.

-coach and broach

i'm on a roll...two nights in a row without falling off the top bunk and tumbling to a bloody demise.

-broach

well we bunked up our beds to make room for a futon...thats working out alright...except nobody has come to stay with us besides schmizzle's gf

on a lighter note, dave tickets have arrived and our in our posession

-coach and broach

i think easliy the worst thing since unsliced bread is computer pop-ups. easily.

-broach

DAVE TOMORROW...

YYYYYYIIIPPPPEEEEEEEE!!!!

-coach and broach

forgive us for our laziness...its the weekend...

-coach and broach

what u know bout dem miami boys????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we just wanted to make you bitches think u had a chance. HA.

-coach and broach

we should get more shittier

-coach and broach

cut. cut cut cut cut cut. but you know what? if any of those bitches ever tried out for the ämps- theyd get shit on for being such pussy ass bitches fuckers who love cock in there ass and shit down their throat- but im not bitter.

-broach

so i just came back from the a capella audition and im thinking it doesnt look good. not cuz im not a motherfuckin ämp when it comes to singing, but more cuz they take like gay-ass operah bitches with gay voices. if i make it- i take all that back. i find out later tonight, and im already drunk so who gives a fuck?

-de jones bro

also, thanks to blake for telling us how to fix the pictures...
everyone, the pictures are now working

-coach and broach

today leo fell down...it was pretty funny...nonetheless we should all wish him the best of luck in his singing auditions

-coach

so last night we rocked hill hall with an acoustic ämp performance...we're now the "guitar guy" and the guy who "should audition for an a capella group"...a success overall

-coach and broach

and its official: WE GOT DAVE TICKETS. ATHANKYOU.

-coach and broach

never in my life have i ever gotten more compliments for an article of clothing that i did today with my "yankees suck" t-shirt. maybe its cuz the yankees actually chomp enormous cock. lots of love.

-broach

here are some pictures of one of the "billion" ämps performances. enjoy.
one
two

-coach and broach

by the fucking way- i heard that there were these guys that were participating in this thing where you get ass raped- takes place on saturday. whats their name again...? oh yeah the florida gators.

-coach and broach

apparently the picture-hosting site is being real gay and asking for logins...until we get it working with another site i guess we'll just do this:
login: coachandbroach
password: password

-coach

here's a picture from a couple of nights ago, when pat was out here; taken early in the night.
here's a picture from a couple of nights ago, when pat was out here; taken later in the night.
do you see anything noticeably different between the two?

-coachandbroach

i have permanent IBH. next album entitled "i invented the re-wipe."

-broach

more pictures coming tommorrow...now i go to bed...class at 10:30

-coach mike

in this picture, you cant really tell, but were pissing on the president's lawn- muahahhahaha

i (coach) took the picture while peeing drunkenly...thus explains the weird face and overexposure...lAte

-coach and broach

damn you refried beans.

-coach

grrrrrreat: http://www.unf.com/

-coach and broach

don't know why i haven't posted this until now but the other night, in a drunken stupor, i tripped and fell while we were running through the hallway of our dorm, being loud and drunk and drawing wangs on peoples' whiteboards, and burned my hand pretty bad on the carpet...it sucked...i took a moment to reflect on some of the shit that seems to happen with the sole purpose of killing your buzz...then cracked open a cold one

-coach

fuck. i just made an appt. for an audition for the beelzebubs a capella group. what the fuck am i thinking? theres only one thing that can save me now- two coins.

-broach

so we just bought a broom, but in no way does that mean our room will get any cleaner.

-coach and broach

so me and mike are pretty much the only assholes wearing sweatshirts and pants. for everyone taking the sat's in the next year, look out for this analogy:
sun:fun as cold:so fucking gay

-a freezing in summer idiot (broach)

so i just got a new cell phone- 617-901-4225. i was hoping i could pick the last four digits cuz that would just lead to sheer amazingness- i wanted something llike 202-2687 aka 202-anus- u know? something amazing like that, but the best i could do with mine was 901-hack. sub-par to say the least.

-broach

so tonight i saw a chinese guy wearing a little head light like one of those ones that miners wear deep in de caves...but a hi-tech one...he looked like some kind of seminefrious tubloidial buttnoid...it was crazy

-coach

tonight we went to the tufts a capella o-show to hear some of the singing groups here...it was sweet...a capella is the craziest thing ever...leo's trying out for the beelzebub's, the oldest all-male and generally considered the best a capella group on campus...download some of their shiznat on kazaa cuz its awesome

-coach

our dining halls don't serve dinner past 7. yay.
late.

-coach and broach

so a couple nights ago, pat came in town from boston to party with us, jumbo style...we got pretty shitty and spent a great deal of time fucking with our thrid roommate's friends on his computer...needless to say we were extremely embarrassed in the morning when he mentioned that we should stay off his computer and that he had to go home to a crying girlfriend

on a lighter note, it was still kinda funny
please take a moment to enjoy the following im:

PDiDdY54: oh, did ur roommate say anything to u guys?
LonnieJonesBro: ha
LonnieJonesBro: yea
LonnieJonesBro: he was pissed
LonnieJonesBro: what did u say to his girlfriend
PDiDdY54: haha
PDiDdY54: i dont even remember
PDiDdY54: i think we broke up

-coach and broach

there needs to be a word for the emotion i feel for my bean bag gaming chair...
and my lady is also the best lady...love you!

-coach

apparently my mom doesnt think astronomy is an ok class. whore.

-lonnie broach jones

"im gonna go enhance my brain, while you waste urs away"

-best

also...here's a picture of "some guy" and our fridge, which was full last night...of ones...we made short work of that...

-coach mike

we bought some plants for good feng shui and chi...
edit: plant picture successfully posted..link should work

-coach