so today my mom was wandering around the house complaining about how filthy my brother's bathroom is...eventually, of course, she ends up cleaning the whole thing, which didn't really surprise me, stupid though it is...so about 3 o clock i notice an unusually fresh smell coming from that side of the hallway and decide to check out the work she's done, only to find a new waterproof radio/cd player and a pillow for the fucking tub...i can't tell you how many times i was in my bath wishing i had a goddamn pillow, not to mention some friggin tunes, i mean i know we all have...but to reward the filth and leave me out in the cold because i'm only moderately disgusting?! uncalled for

-coach

i was at the marlins game yesterday and want to make a inquiry about the phenomenon known as "the wave." i believe its birth at any sporting event is much like the birth of a wave in the ocean: a mystery to most. another amazing aspect of this godsend is its captivating quality. you know damn well that when the wave is going on, atleast to the fans, the game has stopped. every single person is just looking around the stadium in anticipation of the next time they can stand and throw their hands up. maybe its just me, but the wave is definitely something i looovve.

-jones

last night i had a dream that i got arrested for stealing a bubble gum dispenser full of swedish fish. not a bad way to go out.

-jones

id like someone to rub one out with a her pleasure condom to see if its as good for their hand as it is for their weewee...where are the medical journals for stuff like this?

-coach

id like to now mention the greatest travesty since i have been back in miami: the fact that the cheesy gordita crunch (cgc) has already been replaced on the taco bell menu...this is an outrage...i havent enjoyed more than 10 and already its gone. god...if you really are up there..............ur an asshole.

-coach

last night i had a great run-in with tony in the world of halo. naturally, tony is the worst player in the room, while simultaneously being the biggest shit-talker. this is beyond annoying, since he thinks he is gonna run his mouth all night because its my basically the third time in my life i have held an xbox controller. needless to say, i whipped his ass in the second game and shut him up to some degree.

on to moes for an hour or so to celebrate. the place was ridiculously packed with 85% gulliver alumni, and even some raiders that had school today. as soon as you see esquinazi and dj roll up to a bar, you know something is inherently wrong with the universe. it was disgusting. late to this place, to taco bell i go. but wait, oh my, its grandmaster smitty in the flesh, definitely looking a little bit "swollen" as his mom put it, but hey arent we all? i know i am.

-coach

i would like to ask medicine companies to refrain from using the words "instant relief" on products that do nothing more than relieve you of $3.39

-coach

well the heat lost, despite our late night encounter with tim hardaway on the way back from la carreta...painful

sickly and tired from pounding pitchers at 5:00..late

-coach

Smitty is a college graduate. Doesn't get much weirder than this feeling.

this is great.
im Olo Gamwich of the Bree Gamwiches.
coach is Berilac Proudfoot.
what are you?

C&B

my economics final is in about an hour and then i am fucking done with work! only thing left to do is figure out what to do with all the individual pieces of utter crap that collectively comprise my pool of posessions

-coach

pop quiz hot shot: what is the proper spelling of "beetlejuice," as written on his tombstone?

-coach

well i just finished my chem final- the last of the motherfuckers- so now im done. yay. despite spending 11 hours yesterday, two tutoring sessions, and much more of my own studying, i defintely failed. anywho heres a great lil story. i know its not that unheard of that someone oversleeps and is late to one of their finals, but i think that this is a first. so about 45 min into the chem exam i look over at mikey (the other one) , and he's leaned back in his chair, head tilted back, snoring. i give him a lil kick and he wakes up to the horror that has befallen him. needless to say, he didnt finish. i take my hat off.

-jones

so this is awesome
-ken

-coach and broach

Make your own Lil John song

-smittayyyyy

it is much harder to clean shit out of your bellybutton when you are fat. having tried it both ways, this i am sure of. the probelm is that u cant pop it out like you once were able to..with the rolls of the gut now fighting against you, the cavern usually collapses on itself leaving you disappointed, dissatisfied, and discouraged.

-coach

Bassboss4 (11:38:27 PM): Yahoo! News - Andre 3000 Says 'Hey Ya!' to Cartoon Network

-coach and broach

just gotta quote jim for a minute -

Checkin the Juice email last week, and we get one from some girl who's putting together a show at the Sad Cafe up in Plaistow this summer, wanted to know if we'd play. More like, wanted to know if she could meet Matt Ballinger, because when I told her that the Juice couldn't but the amazing PEACEWISE could, she disappeared faster than Mikey Hands can press the A button during an ice hockey face off.

-coach and broach

so heres comes a fantastical quote from this chinese girl that gave me a new found appreciation for that decent. first of all, shes a big pot head. so i was walking up the stairs last night and i saw her outside and i could tell she was high, so i just looked at her and laughed. she responds with "what the fuck? just cuz i was born slanty-eyed doesnt mean im always high." no more chinese jokes for me. and i mean asian-american.

-broachaloach

d0mmm (2:44:46 PM): happy mothers day

Max W83 (4:12:06 PM): i will relay the message to my mom from you

d0mmm (4:13:06 PM): nah i already told her last night when i gave her her present

Max W83 (4:12:06 PM): nice whatd you get her

d0mmm (4:13:06 PM): a pearl necklace

how come its so cool to write on the blackboard, and moreso, to erase the blackboard? i mean, we all know it was a "privelage" back in the grade school, but i still see it as that. i think im gonna buy one. or 8.

-brizoachaloach

the last time i smoked i broke rule number one of the chronic handbook. i started thinking about outer space and the universe and its complexities. now i know many people have stumbled upon this blow-your-ass-away phenomenon but just wanted to give a little warning to the mind-fucked virgins.

-jonesface

boiled hotdogs are for pussies, there i said it. i understand that we are sometimes limited by the available equipment, but when able, there is no reason to be unwilling to sack up and throw that shit on the grill

-coach

Well I could definitely watch this for hours.

-smizzlesticks

what the fuck

-coach and broach

and inreibile
da nikki

-coach

d0mmm (4:04:55 AM): [Me_Grimlock] 3-0 pwnage
d0mmm (4:05:03 AM): [Me_Grimlock] so what now?
d0mmm (4:05:24 AM): [nikki.] so lets dance!

that's right. correct answer.

-coach

so today i drew blood trying to open a beer bottle in the shower

good jaerb

-coachey coachey crimson-hands

im an all around awesome renaissance man.

-smARTY JONES

fucking clitnose, thats two days in a row ive forgotten to wash the soap from under my armpits. where's your head jones? ill tell you where its not; and thats in the game.

-jonesnose

back off- its mine.

-c&b

So I'm sitting here taking my final right now. We're allowed to do it wherever, so I'm in computer lab right now, working on it. And out of nowhere, I realized I've alt tabbed out of my excel file and have been reading espn for a good 5 minutes. Unreal.

-brainchild smee

an exact excerpt from my sexuality textbook:

-"In the Janus survey of sexual behavior, 4 percent of women and 6 percent of men reported experience with 'golden showers,' or urophilic behavior, and about the same percentages found the behavior acceptable. In the recent college student survey, nearly 10 percent of respondents indicated that they had been involved with golden showers."

now thats a fucking text book.

-jones