so i have always gotten a lot of shit from my parents about the fact that i started drinking ans smoking too early- when i was 13 or 14... to them i say this: ive recently been reading "scar tissue" anthony Kiedis of the chili pepper's book- this crazy bastard did his first line of coke when he was 11, heroin by 14. he also got laid when he was 11. they say that the earlier you start doing drugs the greater the chance of becoming an addict, but i think those people shouldnt count his 15 year heroin binge and because his music is the bomb diggity dog. good book by the way.

jones

im writing today in a bad mood. why you ask? well i was watching a good dose of full house when it went to commercial...and what comes on?...it was another one of those fucking jamster commercials. does anyone really buy these things? i mean you can order a cool graphic for your phone that says "get that paper" or "g-Unit" but besides those who would ever buy these things? i swear to god, call me bitter, but if i ever run into that dancing purple elephant on the street im gonna rape its soul.

love, broach

hey guys its good ol L Jones. sorry i havent posted in a while...i ve been trying to stay in college for more that one semester. so anywho me and mike and a couple people have had a bit of an argument recently- it has to do with our on bed egg crates. i believe that the mat should go nipples down so your getting the comfort without the pokes. everyone ive talked to has disagreed with me but im standing tough...let me know how you do your do.

jones

so sik wit it
pretty dificile, but nothing can stop team nizzle

-coacher

shock and awe.
not quite sure what to make of this...all i can say is some people are both clever and disgusting

-from rok

-coach and broach

and just like that the sun is up. another night of awakedness longevity training in the books and a few meaty posts under my belt. i mean, unless of course you lost interest around the first couple. then i've just been doing the world a grave injustice.

shout out to:
1. allie for forgetting her keys in a friend's car tonight, for it was through her mentioning of her situation that i came to the realization that i too had left my keys in a friend's car and wouldn't have been able to get into my room if it hadn't been pointed out just then. see these are the kinds of things that i fuck up a lot on. so i need to be surrounded by people that occasionally fuck up also, that way i have a checklist going. when someone fucks up and i hear about it, i'm able to take a second and say "hmmm..self, did you fuck up too? cuz that sounds like ur kinda move." tonight the answer was yes.

and

2. ken for spoiling me with a feeze pop and the opportunity to enjoy a game of turtles in time after my trip to rectify the key situation, AND a handful of oreos for the long, cold walk home.

-coach

second episode:

lows:
1. uncle jesse refusing to help dj with her stay in school campaign and reveals that *gasp* he never graduated from high school. apparently a teacher named mr. pearson was an enormous cocknugget and ripped on the jesse for forgetting the whitman poem, "o captain, my captain," so he went to the bathroom for 11 years. pointage: -3 for leading off with drama.
2. mr pearson, obviously jesse's night school teacher (in a bizarre twist of fate) a total dick. pointage: -3 for predictability, +2 for effectiveness of character = -1

highs:
1. inspriational speech by aunt becky to convince jesse to go back to school
2. the jessman being recognized in class by a jessie and the rippers fan. "you played at smash club!" jesse proceeds to teach the fan how to do a badass kick while rocking out on keyboards. pointage: +14
3. freakin classic scene of jesse telling michelle that she shouldn't give up on learning to tie her shoes (at about the age of 9) and teaching himself a little lesson about the importance of persistence and hard work, after walking out of class earlier that night. +3 for convention

overall (again not related to points): A-
caught off-guard with dramatic opening scene but having the man, the myth, the legend as the focal point of the episode brings this half hour out on top.

-coach

scooby doo: crazy zombie woman that sticks kids into movies or something tripped out. pretty standard really.

full house:

lows:
1. some intense moments where steve "comes between" dj and danny, a tense triangle is being brought to its elastic limit, when steve decides that he can't come between dj and her father, and must stop seeing her. pointage: -4.
2. cheesy scene featuring logical, objective (danny)-just tell me how you feel (vicky) dichotomy where danny rerealizes what its like to be in love and realizes he's being a cock. pointage: -6

highs:
1. debut of the rushhour renegades, uncle jesse high on cold pills pointage: +6 (nostalgic trivia bonus)
2. kimmy gibbler coming through with great comments e.g. when dj contemplates spending the night at kimmy's and she replies "uh, you might not wanna do that deej, my dad's run out of foot deodorant." points: +3
3. big kiss by aunt becky to awaken the slumbering uncle jesse, who passed out shitfaced on nyquil. pointage: +8 +2 for red-haired aunt becky = +10

overall grade (in no way related to point system): C+
too dramatic and danny-heavy

next episode being viewed currently.

-coach

oh my goodness, had it still been on, i would have cleansed my pallet with a small dose of ronco, but scooby doo has now made an appearance in my night on cartoon network and it looks like ive got a solid hour of full house lined up on nick at nite. glorious despite repetitive chocolate factory commercials.

-coach

more points earned for:

dre's master plan being to have a "bikini" wash rather than the current "rapper/aspiring rapper wash" to generate revenue. the answer was right under our nose all along, and the little guy from how to be a player

overall rating: C+, derivative: positive

-coach

first scene that i see:

a black beetle is parked outside at the wash, getting finished up by the guy. he is holding a washcloth. girl approaches from the right. he hands her her keys.

[guy]

do come again.

[girl]

yo where was the stuff i had in here?

ok im not going to write the whole thing like this...but basically she accuses him of stealing some money from out of her car while washing it. he then explains to us that if he takes something, he takes something big, not a few measley dollars". they exchanged "you don't know me"'s, and she drove away while he tried to give her 3 dollars back. i fear we may never get to the bottom of this.

then there was a scene that revealed that snoop and dre are roommates at odds in this movie, as snoop smoked a blunt with two bitches on the couch, while dre comes out of his room to ask that they turn the music down. snoop shuts his punk ass up and scene.

bonus points for: snoop and dre being antagonists, snoop being amazing and spitting "i paid the cost to be the boss" and a bunch of things too overdubbed to decipher, the owner of "the wash" being named mr. washington or "mr. wash" for short, and the light skinned brother from how to be a player.

to his credit, vin diesel mentioned the acronym npc is his interview with conan.
conan also made the whole "having vin diesel on the show" thing with a hilarious "leonard diesel" skit. next guest -> random person...time to check out the wash only on upn

-coach

its 4:15 am, i'm just coming off a turtles in time quickie with ken and my tv choices are ron popeil knives en espanol, or a conan rerun thats already past the monologue, or ("laugh-cenral") and conan just said "you have seen my first guest in the films xXx and the fast and the furious, or the wash starring dr. dre. so i need opinions here folks..not as to which one to choose, im of course going to be flipping evenly between the three...what i can't figure out is whether i love or hate this programming selection.

"..and in no way is that depressing"

im not sure if ive posted about this yet, but i do know that i havent made a post in about 4 years. so here goes...i spilled a shitload of water on my computer earlier last month and incapacitated the keyboard for a day. when the water covered it, i tried to frantically rip off all the keys in order to dry the circuitry underneath the keyboard and removed the following keys: 7, 8, y, u, i, g, h, j, k, n, m, b, space bar, alt, ctrl. the next day when it started working again i reattached all of the keys, except the U key which was broken in the process. and have been using a penny for a key for the past 4 weeks.

well i finally picked up some krazy glue and fixed that shizzle so no more wandering u key for me. i can hit the letter u quickly and accurately from now on...check it out....uuuuuu
u
u
u
bitches

oh yea and also we saw mitch hedberg tonight
hellz yea

-coach

Smitty81412 (7:01:13 PM): how do blind people know when they are done wiping
LonnieJonesBro (7:01:30 PM): probably the best question i have ever heard
LonnieJonesBro (7:01:33 PM): i have no idea
Smitty81412 (7:01:37 PM): mind boggling
LonnieJonesBro (7:01:40 PM): you just think of that?
Smitty81412 (7:01:51 PM): i was typing my yiddish culture exam and all of a sudden it hit me
Smitty81412 (7:02:02 PM): there is this blind kid in the class, every time he sits down he might have a poopy butt

-jones

the look on your face was priceless

-coach and broach

i just got a retainer that i have to wear at night because i grind my teeth. its kinda uncomfortable but not too bad...the problem is that i think i have some sort of unconscious distaste for it (pun). lets recap the occurences of the first three nights of my wearing it. NIGHT 1: i wake to find it under my bed. NIGHT 2: i wake to find it a few feet away from my bed, on the floor. NIGHT 3: i wake to find it being grasped in my hand. tonight will be night 4 and i shall keep you posted. i was also wondering how long it takes to smell like a dead mans asshole.

-jones

its probably a good thing that my alarm has been going off every day at 10am while i was gone. you know, not so much for me but for jared.

-coach

my weekend getaway went pretty smoothly, despite not playing any cards while in miama and not arriving back at school til 430 am. i didn't forget anything too important at home, which is obviously a first for me. i got to spend some quality time with my lover, even though i gave her the stomach illness and projectile vomiting that i was stricken with (by the way im really sorry about that), met a girl with a 6 week old miniature bulldog, played some lax with the raiders (albeit a very poor performance by a once proud player), and ate plenty of wendy's/burger king. of course the highlight of the trip came on the plane ride back to boston, while i was watching some old poker tourney on espn classic, before the invention of pocket-cams for hole card viewing and the use of onscreen graphics to help viewers follow the betting action, and i glanced over at my neighbor's screen only to find her intently watching the "esteban: the gift of music" guitar package infomercial.

-coach

look- thats a flying plewkalakalaka...maybe its my untreated ADD, but this kid doesnt really get old for me.
-du goldberg

joneser

despite how fucking freaky that anti weed commercial with the grandma who appears everywhere is...THIS might just be the one that does the trick.

-jones