the stuff dreams are made of
-ken

p.s. check out the guys shirt

-coach

okay, so being the lazy fuck that i am, whenever i see those automatic handicapped door openers i hit them so i can just walk through with no effort...and why the hell not? how come i get so many dirty fucking looks? i know theyre just thinking "i cant wait till you have no fucking legs and youll HAVE to push that blue square button." well to them i say eat a dick, cuz im gonna continue using the door helpers.
happy passover

-jones

Auto response from d0mmm (4:39:49 PM): With the recent surge in comic book heroes making the jump to the big screen Silver Pictures has signed Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, to write and direct the Wonder Woman feature film.
In related news, nobody cares and Wonder Woman is still the worst hero of all time.
I'll keep this short and sweet:
Wonder Woman's abilties are weak at best and greatly overshadowed by her weaponry. That's right evil-doers, tremble in fear at the Golden Lasso of Truth. No I did not make that up. She doesn't even fly. Who in their right mind would consider her the female counterpart to Superman if she lacks the standard hero ability of flight? What's worse is that in order to make up for this disappointment, she pilots an invisible airplane. It's a bird, it's a plane, its the gayest hero since gay came to gaytown.

-cooch

Berg of G (9:52:09 PM): sorry just had to share an awesome story with someone before im killed
Berg of G (9:52:23 PM): u would like to hear?
lil dosman (9:52:27 PM): jesm
Berg of G (9:53:01 PM): guy (black guy) takes my laundry out of the machine as im passing by and is dropping it all over the floor..
Berg of G (9:53:25 PM): i go up to him and say cant u use another machine i still have time left and he was like i already put money in this one or something
Berg of G (9:53:59 PM): so he takes my shit out with time left... so i went back 5 mins later and put a snickers in the dreyer with all his shit
Berg of G (9:54:31 PM): and its all white clothes... if i see him again i might die
lil dosman (9:54:37 PM): hahahahaha
lil dosman (9:54:44 PM): omg
lil dosman (9:54:48 PM): thats amazing
Berg of G (9:55:08 PM): it was a nice rush but now im genuinely worried...i mean he obviously lives in my building
lil dosman (9:55:17 PM): hahaha
Berg of G (9:55:47 PM): i hoping all white guys look the same to black guys bc even though im pretty sure ive never seen him, i obviously might not realize i have
lil dosman (9:56:35 PM): hahaha
Berg of G (9:59:45 PM): so yea if that doesnt end up on c and b i dotn know what will
lil dosman (10:00:23 PM): thats unbelievable

-coach and broach

so this is probably gonna be one of those posts that god is gonna use to explain why i ended up in hell. so you know how annoying those loud beeping noises are when a 18 wheeler is backing up? well theres this handicapped kid in one of my classes who uses a motorized scooter wheel chair to get around. the worst thing is that every time he goes in reverse that high pitched beep just screams. soo funny. i mean i can understand them on an 18 wheeler, its hard to understand why theyre on golf carts, but why in gods name is it on this kids wheel chair? its a goddam slap in his unusable legs! (told you i was going to hell)

-jones

so we all know that the jones is known for his crazzy (yes crazzy) dreams. so last night was dabbled on both ends of the spectrum- one amazing and one the worst one of all time. lets start with the beans. so im in the middle of driving somewhere in a car...all of a sudden i hear a crackling sound (in real life, in my room)... as im in on the brink of waking up i feel this huge spider thing crash on my face. i go from sleeping to ready to fight a rabid dog in one sec. apparently, the christmas lights (the blue icicle kind) that have been hanging over my bed crashed right on my face creating the scariest wake up ive ever excperienced.

the better dream was that i was performing on stage with incubus at this concert with only famous people. so all of a sudden all these random famous people from the crowd started coming onstage- most notably flava flav. so after we rock the house we decided to head to a party- me, lohan, jon stamos and rebecca romane ( however you spell that shit) so after we get to the party everyone gets out and i had been hitting on rebecca while jon was in the front seat. jon stamos notices and pulls her out, i respond with but "uncle jesse, we were just talking." immediately i realized this was a mistake. i saw his face get red and he pulled me out of the car to fight. at this point i did that "u know your gonna die so wake up tactic" and woke up. so that was that- pretty good i think.
late

-jones

well, once again i've outsmarted you all, solving my underwear problem the same way i've solved every problem i've been faced with in the past month. with krazy glue. yes, in honor of the upcoming easter holiday i resurrected an old retired pair of boxer briefs by reintroducing them to their old friend the waistband through the use of this glorious panacea in a tube. if it could only erase skidmarks my life would be complete.

-coach

here's a nice statistics problem for me to review for the test this morning at 10:30:
if i own 7 pairs of boxers, and the probability that i will wear each more than once is .9, i do laundry about once a month, and have a probability of .97 that i'm the greasiest kid you've ever met, what is the probability that i will be wearing a shirt as underwear to the test?

highly likely from what i see
-coach

so a couple nights ago i really had one of the weirder dreams of my life. So me and the band were in this Krispy Kreme store- it was like a wal mart that specialized in make your own krispy kreme. So for some reason i was making a doughnut sandwich: sub roll, two donuts, salami and mustard. yumm. it was kinda big and i was struggling to get it closed when coach came over to offer assistance. He proceeded to let me know that the secret to keeping a sandwich tight is oil and vineger. and it stuck...clearly. so i then approached the cash register and the lady at the register asked me if i wanted to join the "Duncan Heinz Donut club". i said no thanks. "but its free and you can get coupons for free dontus." i told her no thanks and she responded with "i said it was FREE, arent you jewish?" so i was like what the fuck lady, lemme see your manager. after arguing with the manager about his anti-semitic employee he went to the storage room and came back. as reparations for having to deal with this antisemitism he brought me three notebooks, a tennis racket, and two smaller racquet ball rackets. OBVIOUSLY i gracioulsy accpeted his offering. i guess alls fair in love and donuts and kikels and tennis rackets.

-stupid broach

this morning punxatawny mike came out of his hole and didn't see a "shadow" aka the desire to kill himself. break out the wiffleballs and the pasty white legs its officially springtime!

-coach

firstly, sorry to all the catholics out there about your pope, atleast for him mitch hedberg will be there to cheer him up. what a bummer that hes gone too. But the reason im writing is this concept of how the next pope is chosen. from what ive heard its exactly like a coach voting a player for the allstar game; you have to vote for a certain number of people and you cant vote for anyone from your team. "For the First pick in the 2005 draft, the Cardinals choose..."

-jones

today at lunch we encountered an interesting character who asked if he could sit with us, as we were getting ready to leave dewick. i didn't think much of it, and rather than shatter his hopes and dreams i figured, sure sit down. his name was bob and he was from indiana. bob was travelling around different colleges trying to sell his book, "confessions," which must have seemed like a good title at the time (either that or "my way"). essentially its bob's journal. he explained that it is a search for reasoning behind the collegiate alcohol and kissing culture or something and pointed out that "you can celebrate alcohol and that's fine, but i'm looking to go straight to the kissing." im not really sure what that means but i found it hard to believe that bob had landed many chicks in his day. to truly understand why any person might actually be interested in reading bob's journal, they have to experience his personality, which is best described as dr. ewen on speed (maybe with a touch of first mate in there). the guy was so damn excitable i thought he might combust when leon and matt each bought a copy of "confessions" just to bring us to a point where we could stand up and leave the table.

-coach