my weekend getaway went pretty smoothly, despite not playing any cards while in miama and not arriving back at school til 430 am. i didn't forget anything too important at home, which is obviously a first for me. i got to spend some quality time with my lover, even though i gave her the stomach illness and projectile vomiting that i was stricken with (by the way im really sorry about that), met a girl with a 6 week old miniature bulldog, played some lax with the raiders (albeit a very poor performance by a once proud player), and ate plenty of wendy's/burger king. of course the highlight of the trip came on the plane ride back to boston, while i was watching some old poker tourney on espn classic, before the invention of pocket-cams for hole card viewing and the use of onscreen graphics to help viewers follow the betting action, and i glanced over at my neighbor's screen only to find her intently watching the "esteban: the gift of music" guitar package infomercial.

-coach

look- thats a flying plewkalakalaka...maybe its my untreated ADD, but this kid doesnt really get old for me.
-du goldberg

joneser

despite how fucking freaky that anti weed commercial with the grandma who appears everywhere is...THIS might just be the one that does the trick.

-jones

does anyone know what bile tastes like?
i do.
it looks like mountain dew...but not quite as refreshing...plus it doesnt make you want to do anything EXTREME other than passing out

-coach

little something i came across while reading away messages...some good ADD/advice from alain squindo's tio jorge:

"oye, y hace frio en washington?"
"si, tio"
"bueno, en mi experiencia, el mejor calor es el de una mujer....si..asi es.. pero cuidate porque hay muchas enfermedades en la calle...entonces ponte un sombrero."

-coach

ok, now THIS is definitely pushing it...

from the jay

-jones

so today was officially my worst school day ever...after staying up all night doing a fuckin problem set for stat and thusly not studying for my calc test (why am i in that class anyway?) i awoke 15 minutes after the test had started...after the test kicked my ass for an hour or so, i went to turn in my problem set and, goody, was told that it was due for class and is therefore late, which means the teacher will take it, look at it, correct it, and then wipe his ass with it and not record the grade. so a lot of fucking good it did me to put all that damn effort into that shit...

-bitter at the universe

pretty good...especially if your the proud owner of A.D.D.

from the handy man

-jones

lauren sends video to many peoples. it is funny commercial.
gentlement, behold.

-coach and broach

so for those of you who haven't heard/seen yet:
there you have it

-coach

i was in the shower and a long asked philosophical question jumped into my head. i am yet to approach my philosohy 101 professor nor have i beckoned the local priest or rabbi; instead, obviously, i ask you. so...when in the shower and after youve applied a good amount of soap to your hand (we'll say liquid soap for now), you proceed to clean the ol stink hole. after a thorough washing, my question comes into play...do you have to wash that hand again with more soap??? i mean, theres still soap from the previous application- but is it rotten? is it unclean? am i fucking dirtbag for even asking this? please let me know what your thoughts are so i can make the possible lifestyle changes.
thankyou,
-your jones bro

how do you say "i missed my oppurtunity and now i have to settle for jerking off to these pictures on the internet?" like this....

-jones

compliments of a badoo. a;sldkjfl;askd

-jones

you've heard of the holocaust- THIS is the opposite of that...amazing and a half.....36 today, 26 yesterday, 1 the day before- let me know if anyone gets that

-C & B

for all those freudians who can decipher dreams- what the fuck does this mean: last night i had a dream that i got a tatto that said "i love strawberries"
riddle me that shit

-jones

"big ups" to blaker who is making something of himself while the rest of us are competing to see who falls down in the snow more often than the other.

-coach

we were all pleasantly surprised when we returned to school to find that the toilet paper had been significantly upgraded. in addition, purell dispensers were installed in every bathroom, which is terribly convenient. the downside, however, as ken pointed out, is that i now spend 75% of the day walking around with food and/or fecal matter on my hands, which doesn't bother me so much as other people, who arent aware that im 99.9% disinfected. so if i shake someone's hand, and they are disgusted to find that i've caused it to change color, i have to be sure to relive them. "oh don't worry, i purelled. you can be 99.9% unconcerned about that."

-coach

they shoot, she scores

-du goldberg

so we're sitting around the table at dinner and the conversation was as follows:

mike (to our friend max): so is your name really Maxamillion?
max: no its Maxwell, actually...i thought it was just max until my Bar mitzvah invitaion said maxwell.

if you knew max, youd understand.

-jonesy

little ditty here from the shankmeister general

-coach

btw we've got some good stuff on the way for u loyal readers so sit tight and eventually we WILL blow your asses off once again